These quotes were taken from actual Federal employee performance evaluations:
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus ----144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
"He's been working with glue too much."
"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"A prime candidate for natural deselection."
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
"Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."